"Didn't Anyone Tell You How To Be A Man...?"
As we mature in our relationships, this often changes into shame around desire. For men, society tells us we should always be thinking about sex, always wanting sex, and always be down at the drop of a hat. The scenario of: I am trying to figure out a work problem, or there is a game I have been excited about on, or trying to finish whatever little project that I have been trying to finish forever...and my partner walks in with the glint in her eye. We are told as men to stop drop and roll! If she is down you need to be ready. The problem is this isn’t based in reality. We are faced with the question of do I unauthentically pull it together or do I reject (however kindly) the invitation. Neither are great options and usually end poorly.
Both answers can feel wrong and both can be right. What makes all the difference is the the communication in the moment and better yet, having conversations around situations like this before they ever happen.
This dilemma is not unique to men or women, but is experienced by both partners at different times.
Starting conversations around this topic which we call Responsive Desire, can be the beginning to finding useful ways to communicate around these moments and experience more connection!
I have been thankful for Annika and my relationship, as well as her education as a therapist. It has helped us to begin to unravel the layers of complexity around sex, intimacy, mainstream culture and spirituality. We are in process of forming an intimate relationship that leaves us both feeling empowered, confident and shame-free!
I know I’m not alone in having these questions and challenges, even when our relationship is good, we find that “better is better!” If you’d be interested in experiencing less guilt, shame, anxiousness and more freedom, confidence and joy, consider joining us for our online course.
We want to take a lighthearted-approachable roadmap to creating an intimate life that is healthy and enjoyable!
Check out more here!!
-Sam Cook